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140 Funny Parenting Quotes That Parents Will Laugh At More Than Anyone

Funny Parenting Quotes That Parents Will Laugh At More Than Anyone

There is so much quotes on parenting. The best parenting quotes capture the wonder of having children. I mean, there is nothing like parenthood, from the moment you realize you’re about to become one, to seeing your kids all grown up. Here are hilarious and inspirational parenting quotes that show exactly what life with kids is really like. Parenting quotes have the power to bring hope, faith, inspiration, and motivation to the parents reading them.

There are so many different parenting quotes. I decided to divide the post into different types of favorite parenting quotes.

140 Best Parenting Quotes – Funniest Quotes About Parenting

Top 10 Parenting Quotes

“For me, being a mother made me a better professional, because coming home every night to my girls reminded me what I was working for. And being a professional made me a better mother, because by pursuing my dreams, I was modeling for my girls how to pursue their dreams.” – Michelle Obama

“I became the kind of parent my mother was to me.” – Maya Angelou

“If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.” – Jackie Kennedy

“My children are the reason I laugh, smile, and want to get up every morning.” – Gena Lee Nolin

“At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents.” – Jane D. Hull

“A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone.” – Billy Graham

“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Most things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there are evil things too, and you are not doing a child a favor by trying to shield him from reality. The important thing is to teach a child that good can always triumph over evil.” – Walt Disney

“The best way to make children good is to make them happy.” – Oscar Wilde

“If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.” – Bette Davis

Funny Parenting Quotes

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“Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.” – Martin Mull

“One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a child should be fun.” – Jane Goodall

“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.” – Erma Bombeck

“The raising of a child is the building of a cathedral. You can’t cut corners.” – Dave Eggers A Hologram for the King

“(24/7) once you sign on to be a mother, that’s the only shift they offer.” – Jodi Picoult

“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” – Phyllis Diller

“Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.” – Nia Vardalos

“Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.” – John Wilmot

“Being a parent makes you feel like a blanket that’s always too small. No matter how hard you try to cover everyone, there’s always someone who’s freezing.” – Fredrik Backman

“Being a perfectionist does not apply when it comes to children and a tidy house.” – Renny Adejuwon

“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” – P. J. O’Rourke

“Having a baby is a life-changer. It gives you a whole other perspective on why you wake up every day.” – Taylor Hanson

“Having a child is like getting a tattoo … on your face. You better be committed.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

“Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano

“If the sound of happy children is grating on your ears, I don’t think it’s the children who need to be adjusted.” – Stefan Molyneux

“If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.” – George Carlin

“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.” – Carrie Underwood

“Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.” – Phyllis Diller

“Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.” – Ed Asner

“Saturday mornings, I’ve learned, are a great opportunity for kids to sneak into your bed, fall back asleep, and kick you in the face.” – Dan Pearce

“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.” – Dorothy Parker

“The interesting thing about being a mother is that everyone wants pets, but no one but me cleans the kitty litter.” – Meryl Streep

“To raise a child, it sometimes takes a village…but sometimes that village should shut up and mind their own business.” – Susan McLean

“We spend the first 12 months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up.” – Phyllis Diller

“We’re parents always bluffing, pretending we know best, when most of the time we’re just praying we won’t screw up too badly.” – Jodi Picoult

“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. ” – Erma Bombeck

“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” – Nora Ephron

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” – Robert Fulghum

Inspirational Parenting Quotes

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“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.” – Linda Wooten

“Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.” – Paul Reiser

“I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.” – Reese Witherspoon

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” – Frederick Douglass

“One reason we have children I think is to learn that parts of ourselves we had given up for dead are merely dormant and that the old joys can re emerge fresh and new and in a completely different form.” – Anne Fadiman

“Pregnancy and motherhood are the most beautiful and significantly life-altering events that I have ever experienced.” – Elisabeth Hasselbeck

“Reading to children opens their minds and fills their hearts!” – Jacqui Shepherd

“Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.” – Barbara Kingsolver

“The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults.” – Peter De Vries

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” – Peggy O’Mara

“There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.” – Sue Atkins

“There is nothing that moves a loving father’s soul quite like his child’s cry.” – Joni Eareckson Tada

“We all need a cheering committee and parents are a child’s most important fans!” – Vivian Kirkfield

“We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

“When a man dies, if he can pass enthusiasm along to his children, he has left them an estate of incalculable value.” – Thomas Edison

Positive Parenting Quotes

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“I came to parenting the way most of us do – knowing nothing and trying to learn everything.” – Mayim Bialik

“I’m not a parenting expert. In fact, I’m not sure that I even believe in the idea of ‘parenting experts.’ I’m an engaged, imperfect parent and a passionate researcher. I’m an experienced mapmaker and a stumbling traveler. Like many of you, parenting is by far my boldest and most daring adventure.” – Brene Brown

“I’m trying to break any chain of negative parenting that I might have survived.” – Eddie Vedder

“It is time for parents to teach young people that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength.” – Maya Angelou

“My work makes me a better mom. It gives me a little door to step out of my parenting and bring the excitement from my day back home.” – Christie Brinkley

“The best advice my mom has ever given me is to never give up. She believes when one door shuts, another door opens. Always, always move forward.” – Melissa Rivers

Bad Parenting Quotes

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“Don’t try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.” – Russell Baker

“My worst parenting moments, the ones I am least proud of, happened because I was trying to impress a bunch of strangers I’ll probably never see again.” – Janel Mills

“Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math.” – Amber Dusick

Good Parenting Quotes

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“Your children will remember how you made them feel whether those feelings are good or bad. And they will remember the words you used.” – Anthony Eldridge-Rogers

“There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.” – Jill Churchill

“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.” – Anne Frank

“Instruction is good for a child; but example is worth more.” – Alexandre Duma

“If the day ever came when we were able to accept ourselves and our children exactly as we and they are, then, I believe, we would have come very close to an ultimate understanding of what ‘good’ parenting means.” – Fred Rogers

“If I had to make a general rule for living and working with children, it might be this: be wary of saying or doing anything to a child that you would not do to another adult, whose good opinion and affection you valued.” – John Holt

“If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people’s choices. If I feel good about my body, I don’t go around making fun of other people’s weight or appearance. We’re hard on each other because we’re using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived deficiency.” – Brene Brown

“I don’t think it matters how many parents you’ve got, as long as those who are around make their presence a good one.” – Elizabeth Wurtzel, author of Prozac Nation

“Having kids — the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings — is the biggest job anyone can embark on. As with any risk, you have to take a leap of faith and ask lots of wonderful people for their help and guidance. I thank God every day for giving me the opportunity to parent.” – Maria Shriver

“Good parents hardly parent. They let their kids learn, fail and grow without interference.” – Trevor Carss

“Good parenting is not about fulfilling the dreams of the parents, it’s about helping the children become strong and conscientious human beings so that they can achieve their dreams.” – Abhijit Naskar

“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” – James Baldwin

“Always kiss your children goodnight, even if they’re already asleep.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr

“Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they’re fun, they do things together, they’re best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.” – Tim Allen

“I do think that there’s an art form to parenting, and I have nothing but admiration for those who do it well.” – Elizabeth Berg

“Praise your children openly, reprove them secretly.” – William Cecil

“We are apt to forget that children watch examples better than they listen to preaching.” – Roy L. Smith

Single Parenting Quotes

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“The loves of my life are my children and my mother. I don’t feel as if I need a man.” – Diane Keaton

“I’m not really single. I mean, I am, but I have a son. Being a single mother is different from being a single woman.” – Kate Hudson

“It’s the only way of life I’ve known. I was raised by a single mom.” – Padma Lakshmi

“I was illustrating, and I was cleaning people’s houses; I was doing whatever I could to take care of my kid as a single parent.” – Emil Ferris

“She has to have four arms, four legs, four eyes, two hearts, and double the love. There is nothing single about a single mom.” — Mandy Hale

“Just because I am a single mother doesn’t mean I cannot be a success.” – Yvonne Kaloki

“Single moms: You are a doctor, a teacher, a nurse, a maid, a cook, a referee, a heroine, a provider, a defender, a protector, a true superwoman. Wear your cape proudly.” — Mandy Hale

“Being a working mother and a working single parent instills in you a sense of determination.” – Felicity Jones

“As a single mum, you’ll discover inner strengths and capabilities you never knew you had.” – Emma-Louise Smith

“The most difficult part of dating as a single parent is deciding how much risk your own child’s heart is worth.” – Daniel Pearce

“You can raise good children in single parent households, and many of you perhaps here today come from that type of environment. It is possible and many do it in heroic situations, but it’s much more difficult.” – Sam Brownback

Co Parenting Quotes

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“Co-parenting is not asking permission. It’s about discussing your child’s needs and wants and deciding what’s best.”

“Coparenting makes me sad honestly. I have to accept that I have to share the time I get with my child with the other parent. That I won’t see my kid every morning and every night if I wanted to. I don’t regret splitting up. I’m allowed to be sad with reality.”

“The best, most mature co-parents will tell their therapist and not their child how much the other parent sucks.”

“I feel it’s my responsibility as a mom when their dad is not there to let them know that their dad loves them very much because that’s the doubt that they have when he’s not around or they haven’t seen him.” – Jennifer Lopez

“Co-parenting is not a competition. It is a collaboration of two working together with the best interest of the child at heart.”

“CoParenting is NOT hard if you just worry about the child and not the other parent’s business.”

“Coparenting with an ex can be tough, but if you stay calm and keep your child’s needs in focus, your actions will always be sound, no matter how your coparent might behave.”

Parenting Quotes Love

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“The gain is not the having of children; it is the discovery of love and how to be loving.” – Polly Berrien Berends

“Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.” – Bill Ayers

“We never know the love of the parent till we become parents ourselves.” – Henry Ward Beecher

“There really are places in the heart you don’t even know exist until you love a child.” – Anne Lamott

“Saying ‘no’ to your children can be an act of love.” – Frank Sonnenberg

“Raise your children to love and embrace others. Tell them they are beautiful; they may grow up to be stars one day, and ‘beautiful’ will never mean as much in a magazine as it will coming from you.” – Kaiden Blake

“No one is ever quite ready; everyone is always caught off guard. Parenthood chooses you. And you open your eyes, look at what you’ve got, say ‘Oh, my gosh,’ and recognize that of all the balls there ever were, this is the one you should not drop. It’s not a question of choice.” – Marisa de los Santos, author of Love Walked In

“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.” – William Galvin

“Love is staying up all night with a sick child – or a healthy adult.” – David Frost

“I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.” – Mitch Albom

“I looked on childrearing not only as a work of love and duty but as a profession that was fully interesting and challenging as any honourable profession in the world and one that demanded the best that I could bring to it.” – Rose Kennedy

“I don’t remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don’t even know exist until you love a child.” – Anne Lamott

“Having a child flips your concept of love upside down into new depths, otherwise unknown to the human heart.” – Julieanne O’Connor

“God, why does a mortal man have children? It is senseless to love anything this much.” – Barbara Kingsolver

“Behind every young child who believes in himself is a parent who believed first.” – Matthew Jacobson

“Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation.” – Robert A. Heinlein

“Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.” – Charles R. Swindoll

“Children don’t need you to be the best reader, just a willing one.” – Jacqui Shepherd

“Children are made readers on the laps of their parents.” – Emilie Buchwald

“Children are gifts. They are not ours for the breaking. They are ours for the making.” – Dan Pearce

“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.” – Phillys Diller

“If we never have headaches through rebuking our children, we shall have plenty of heartaches when they grow up.” – Charles H. Spurgeon

“My doctors told me I would never walk again. My mother told me I would. I believed my mother.” – Wilma Rudolph

“So much is asked of parents, and so little is given.” – Virginia Satir

“The beauty of motherhood is not in the freshly pressed shirts and smiling photos we show the world. The beauty of motherhood is in the folds and creases of our lives, the grimaces and tantrums, the moments when we have to grit our teeth to get through, when we pound on windows and yell and scream and demand better of each other and ourselves.” – Robyn Passante

“The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.” – Frank A. Clark

“Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth.” – Peter Ustinov

“Your children are not your children, they come through you, but they are life itself, wanting to express itself.” – Wayne Dyer

“Your children need your presence more than your presents.” – Jesse Jackson

Parenting is Hard Quotes

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“Children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.” – Lady Bird Johnson

“Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.” – Ray Romano

“Parenting is an impossible job at any age.” – Harrison Ford

“Parenting is not for sissies. You have to sacrifice and grow up.” – Jillian Michaels

“The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.” – Ewan McGregor

“What parent has it easy? I just never make the difficulty of it an obstacle. I just do it.” – Marlee Matlin

Parenting Quotes Hard Times

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“I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.” – Jim Gaffigan

“It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.”

“Motherhood has completely changed me. It’s just about like the most completely humbling experience that I’ve ever had. I think that it puts you in your place because it really forces you to address the issues that you claim to believe in and if you can’t stand up to those principles when you’re raising a child, forget it.” – Diane Keaton

“Motherhood was the great equalizer for me; I started to identify with everybody… as a mother, you have that impulse to wish that no child should ever be hurt, or abused, or go hungry, or not have opportunities in life.” – Annie Lennox

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